Tuesday, February 2, 2010

All The Cool Monsters

All The Cool Monsters, by Ryan Mecum

All the cool monsters know where to sit
in their high school cafeteria at 2am.
All the vampires at the long table up front
talking loud like they own the place,
throwing their food
and getting blood everywhere,
acting like they’re too cool to notice
the disheveled zombies off in their corner,
who dress like they don't care
all untucked and messy hair
as they pile on top
of the helpless night janitor.

The werewolves sit at a table in back
with their hair all up in everything,
clearly losing the battle of puberty
while they act like they look fine,
overcompensating in sports
or their moon howling lengths
to make up for their unfortunate cheek hair growth
and fingernails that they say are grown out
purposely for guitar picking.

Quasimodo at a table by himself,
crying in his crepes over some popular vampire girl
who he likes to think she doesn't know he exists
but its hard for any monster to miss his bulging hump
lurching through the cafeteria as he attempts to not drop his tray.

Nobody sees the ghosts
even though they moan and shriek
about how everything in the afterlife sucks.
The vampires sing this same tune
but they are prettier and more visible,
so even though the upperclassman ghosts
have been whining long before
the trendy vampires showed up,
the ghosts don’t get the credit
and the vampires are too cool to care.

At another table sits the invisible man alone,
who is so uncool he has yet to realize
he became visible again a few days ago
but no one has noticed so nobody has told him
that he no longer is see through
though basically he still is.

The witches are quietly binding their time.
They are drama queens who hate everyone
knowing their classmates use them
only if they need help with homework
or need a broom ride home.
The witches will one day rule the world
with their magic and manipulation,
starting a Wiccan religion that gains credibility,
they will do well financially and live good lives
with the exception of their haunting memories
of not being cool in high school.
which sadly means more to them
than they would ever admit.

High school belongs to the vampires.
They own the hallways, teachers fear them,
they don’t use their lockers, they don’t take notes.
The vampires are the monsters that rule the school,
who also know way down deep down,
they’re not as cool as the zombies.
But the zombies are too busy not caring
so the vampires claim the thrown,
slowly draining the principals blood,
playing their emo goth rock over the loud speakers,
and voting their own for homecoming court,
even though everyone knows
zombies make the best dancers.

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